Mormon Open Forum

It’s clear that most LDS heterosexual men are clueless about how to attract gals, date and how to make that lead to finding a compatible wife. Having had several relationships, opportunitities for marriage and getting married to my soulmate before age 25 a couple of decades back, I now offer my knowhow on this subject to the present generation of young single heterosexual LDS male horn dogs out there. Warning before reading further, there’s a reason I posted this at Mormon Open Forum rather than just making it a comment elsewhere.

First, accept that men and women will never understand each other. You need to go with what works regarding the ladies and not question the why. Most women do not understand it is virtually impossible for a heterosexual guy to be close to a women without things getting sexual, and that most of us can’t maintain a close relationship with a woman who’s not interested in us in that way. So your job is to find out the gal’s intentions early on and along the way so as not to waste time on dead end relationships that never have a prayer of progressing to marriage. The game is harder for with-the-program LDS guys because they’re not looking to get in the sac by the third or forth date and dumping before getting dumped if the relationship isn’t headed in that direction. But there are ways to know if she wants you, and you already know what they are. Likewise, there are ways to find out early on if it’s a dead end “just friends” situation.

Now to attracting women who are at least superficially into you in the first place (that’s the first step): Dump the domesticated nice guy and be your own man. Most women, yes, including most LDS women, are subconsciously attracted to bad boys who challenge authority, think for themselves, can’t be bossed around, etc. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about on this. Good Joe Mormon RM submissive types are dime a dozen in the church. Break out of that mold. Push the standards, be cool, wear your hair a little longer, don’t shave so often, sprinkle in some well placed coarse language into speech, stay in good physical shape and pack it tight and to the right to let women know you’re comfortable with your sexuality, etc. Now, treating women badly is a step that can lead to lots of dates, but it’s a bad move if you’re looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage. In other words, it’s a bad boy image you want to convey, not actually become a bad boy.

As far as my advice about sticking to the image only and not actually becoming a bad boy, treating women badly, etc, there were a few years I did cross that line. You’ll get lots of dates (and more if you’re looking for/need it), but not real relationships. If you’re marriage minded, stick to the image only and save yourself a lot of time and grief.

And don’t think too hard about this. We’ll never understand women, just like they’ll never understand us. The bad boy thing works. Leave the why to the shrinks. Does it work for any woman you might want? — no, of course not. But it works really well in general, and it works extremely well in the church where there are so few bad boys.

Happy dating